happy holidays?
… Here’s Your Pap-Smear!
Q: Have you seen the PSA’s on CBS about Pap-Smears? I can’t decide if I’m offended or want to laugh. “What would Suzie Do?” -- Marlene B (your biggest fan!)
If you haven’t seen the PSA’s on CBS about Pap-Smears, check them out:
For those of you who are Jewish
And for the gentiles:
So the question is “What would Suzie Do?”.
I’m imagining if my husband so lovingly came up to me on Xmas morning with a card ornately decorated in silver trimmings with teeny tiny bells on it that actually ring.He says to me “You are my woman and I want to give you the gift that even Santa can’t deliver.” What? I think. A new car. A huge ring? My family are here from Australia to visit me? No, we are having a week away without the kids! That must be it! “Oh no, I am giving you the gift that would even light up your menorah if you were Jewish! I am giving you…..a pap smear!”
Silence. I get mad even thinking about this fictional situation.
Can you even imagine it? First I think the fact that the commercials refer to us as “your woman” is stupid. I am not anyone’s woman but my own. Secondly I am more than happy that Santa cannot deliver this kind of gift! Picture it -- waiting under the Xmas tree and Santa walks in. “Ho Ho Ho Susan. I see it’s been 12 months since your last pap-smear. What a jolly way to spend the holiday! Let me just put on my gloves, get the instruments of torture and…hang on…Rudolf, can you ask Mrs Claus to come in here? I need a female witness.” Out comes the metal contraption and the long cotton bud ready to scrape out your insides. Santa notices you notice the pap smear torture equipment and says,”It’s ok Susan. It will be over in just a moment. Tell me, what do you want for Xmas.”
NOT A PAP SMEAR!!!
Look I appreciate the sentiment of these men trying to look out for us feeble women who obviously can’t organize our way out paper bags but I think we have the organization of the pap-smears under control. I do not need “my man” to book this kind of gift for me. If you feel the need to make me an appointment please make one for me at a spa. Relaxing. No scraping. No pain. The only time I want to be in that position is if you booked a Brazilian waxing for me and I think I may have the same response as to the pap smear.
How about this instead, here’s my idea for you. This is what Suzie would do. I would create a new PSA, how does this sound? New Years Eve Prostate Party. Rectal exams to make sure your prostate is well for the new year. Give the gift of small fingers.
I agree and enjoyed your commentary. As they say, Right On.
Thanks Sima!
Hahahaha!!! CBS is ridiculous!!!
Great piece, I look forward to more Suzie! You have the right idea.
Great piece! Excellent writing. Wonderful message! You got it goin’ on!
Great post Suz! Pretty glad I didn’t get this under my tree, but I’ll tell ya what that Prostate Party sounds like a great Father’s Day gift. LMAO!
nice