ask for what you want!
Part II – Last week we began a discussion on the ways common courtesy-gone-overboard can eat away at self esteem, joy and integrity. Integrity? That may sound as if it came out of left field, but it very much factors into our conversation.
When most of us think about integrity, we think about honesty and being true to ourselves and others. But it doesn’t stop there. Integrity also implies a harmony between our beliefs and our actions.
When someone says they value speaking the truth, then lie, they are said to be out of integrity. If a person holds a belief that stealing is bad, but they cheat on their taxes, they are out of integrity. If you think this aspect of acting out of integrity doesn’t affect us, think again. It’s stored away subconsciously in the container marked, “self esteem.”
What does all of this have to do with courtesy? When we say we value the truth, then distort our beliefs about courtesy, we sometimes shy away from speaking the truth under the guise of being polite. We are out of integrity.
Being Polite
How do you define polite? For some, saying please and thank you sums it up. For others, being polite means not telling the truth. How so? Well, you may think you’re being polite when someone asks your opinion and you don’t tell them the truth about what you think. Keep in mind, there’s a delicate balance between truth and fiction, and you can be truthful without being abrasive or rude.
The degree of intimacy you share with the person asking your opinion will often dictate how honest you may be. In any case, being honest doesn’t mean being tactless. There’s always a way to say things that maintains your integrity without offending. One way is to find something good (and honest) to include with the delivery of your opinion. If there is absolutely nothing good you can think of, you can always try, “let me think about it for awhile…”.
Regardless, it’s my belief that honesty is always the best policy. Lying fuels a poor self image and breeds distrust in relationships. If you have trouble with communicating honestly, try out your new skill with people you don’t know. It can be easier when there’s no risk of damaging a friendship. Cashiers, the cell phone company, or other service providers will be able to handle it if you say no. , and you’ll strengthen your skill every time you use it. Best of all, notice how good you feel about yourself when you ask fro what you want!
Next week we’ll talk about how good manners factor into our discussion. Please feel free to share or comment. (And I promise to be okay if you’re honest!)
Judith Cassis, C.Ht. is a personal development coach and motivational speaker. To schedule a Free lecture, please email successmadesimple.jc@gmail.com.
