trouble remembering dreams
Recently a client of mine said, “I haven’t been dreaming lately.” When I asked him how he was sleeping he reported that he was sleeping well enough. I frequently start with questions of sleep for two reasons: First, because so many people are struggling with what’s commonly referred to as “sleep disorders” these days, and second, because we cannot dream if we do not sleep.
“I have the sense that I’ve been dreaming,” my client went on, “but I’m just not remembering my dreams. Is it because I am so busy at work that I’m not making enough time for my dreams?” he asked, nodding as if to confirm this even as he asked. “Or is it because there’s something in my dreams that I don’t really want to know?” He looked at me through the corner of his narrowing eyes. Then, tilting his head, his face a question mark, he went on, “Is it that I don’t need to remember my dreams because they are working directly? Or is it because I am too eagerly using my dreams for the purposes of my own ego?” He paused and let out a sigh. “Am I trying too hard? Or not hard enough?”
“Yes,” I managed to finally answer. “All of the above.”
I went on to explain to him that probably the single greatest requirement for working with dreams is faith. Not religious faith, mind you, but psychological faith—that psyche (soul) is not out to get me—and, further, that the function of dreams is actually purposive. In other words, the dreamtime places us next to the river of dreams in the exact spot—when and where—we are able to cross, though it may not always “feel” this way to the waking ego.
So, returning to the questions asked by my dreamer. Yes. When we are too busy with our waking-world lives, with our jobs, our “to do” lists, and the demands of our families, we forget our dreams. But soul-making is like any other imaginative activity; it requires tending.
The most important time for working with dreams is the time between sleeping and waking up, in what’s known as “liminal” space. Liminal means “threshold” and it’s where we get the word “subliminal.” So I tell my dreamers to practice staying in this threshold space as a way of inviting the images of dreams to percolate up from the dreaming underworld. Five minutes is generally all it takes.
And yes, there is frequently something in our dreams that from ego’s perspective we don’t want to know. But this is where that faith I was talking about comes in handy, for invariably soul has a bigger version of us than just our narrow egos have in mind. Dreams then are the character and nature of our souls trying to break through the confines of our dayworld egos in order that we might remember and display the stories that are written inside each and every one of us.
The dream resists our remembering perhaps because we are still too much in service of our dayworld egos, strip-mining the psyche, as it were, by using the contents of our dreams to merely strengthen our egos.
To sum things up then:
- Have faith that psyche is not out to get you.
- Trust that the medicine in the dreamtime is working directly and functioning as a guardian of sleep.
- Practice staying in liminal space—it shows respect for soul and the images in dreams and encourages them to show up and hang around for you.
- And finally, resist the temptation to strip-mine the psyche for ego’s purposes alone.
Lastly, when all this fails to produce dreams that can consistently be recalled, I suggest eating a wee bit of cheese before tucking into bed. Try it and let me know.
BLOGGER BIO
Renée Coleman, Ph.D., earned her Mythological Studies doctorate (with an emphasis on Depth Psychology) at Pacifica Graduate Institutein Santa Barbara, CA in 2002. She makes her home in Santa Clarita, along with her husband, four children, their dog, two chickens, and a very noisy parrot. As a certified DreamTender, Dr. Coleman helps dreamers navigate through the many twists and turns of the dreamtime. Using a holistic, embodied approach to working with dreams, she mindfully guides souls from around the world in her private practice.
Contact Information for Renée:
661-288-1901
dreamtending@gmail.com
Beautifully written and full of sound ideas – #4 really resonates with me, and something I am guilty of … so thank you again, Renee, for the wonderful article and helpful hints.
Thank you, Jacque. And just so you know, I too am guilty of #4 from time to time and I teach the stuff! So I want to suggest that it’s helpful to remind yourself that dreamtending is a practice and, like all practices, what’s important is that we show up and try . . . .
Loved this! Even though I am working in this area with my own dreams, I too often totally forget on a day to day basis about the dream time and it’s importance. Love you!
Thank you, Karen. And we all forget–even me. It’s what it means to be human, according to the Sufis. If we remembered, we’d be God. I once heard the poet Robert Bly remark that all have our inner-Nixons–hilarious! In other words, we all delete the very thing that we need to remember, the thing that matters most. Dreamtending is a practice–just keep showing up.
Renee’, you are so brilliant; a brilliant teacher, and I learn so much from you. I feel that my life is enriched from knowing you, and taking advantage of your amazing knowledge.
Oh Harriette, back at you, baby! Rumi says that human beings are essentially “spirit eyes” and that whatever we really see, well, we are that. So know that you recongize my “brilliance” with your own. and that my life is likewise enriched by knowing you. You are very generously spirited, Harriette, and are always looking for ways to affirm others–it’s really a gift you give so generously. So thank you.
What I remember most vividly about all of my dreams is the location, specifically the building I am in. I’m always in a building, never out in the wild or beach. And I always know the purpose of that building, for example, it’s my place of work, or home or someone else’s home) but in my dream it may not look like my real home or work etc.
Got a quick response to this one?
People frequently approach their dreams like going to a fortune teller, or a newspaper horoscope, looking for information about what to do in a given situation. But dreams don’t tell us what to do rather they tell us where we are. In other words, dreams place us. By putting a big “X” on the map of our psyches, dreams say, “YOU ARE HERE.”
So what strikes me about your question, Kim, is that these dream buildings you find yourself in have what you refer to as known “purposes.” Further, your question juxtaposes these recognized interior spaces with exteriors that you notice as missing or at least somehow not there in your dreams (you cite examples of the “wild” or the “beach”). So perhaps the quickest way to answer your question is with more questions: What is the purpose, as you see it, of the wild or the beach? And why might these dreamscapes be missing from your dreams? Is the wild, or wilds, somehow calling to your imagination? Are the leaves you’re turning over too known, always familiar, structured and organized? Of course, I know that you are a professional organizer so perhaps I’m cheating a bit here . . . but what are the beaches of your imagination and why are they trying to get your attention? From an Archetypal perspective, we get very curious about what’s missing, what’s not there; the gaps and holes of the dreamtime are always trying to get us to notice them. Hope this helps.
Well that certainly gives me something to think about. As for the question where am I? That I do know in my dreams. I always know where I’m at.
Good, Kim. Dreams are good to think with. Now get even more curious. Perhaps it might help to imagine yourself as a dream navigator. Navigate through these known places—the places that you find yourself in the dreamtime—getting ever more curious about the not-so-known places, or about the missing places—the wild and the beach . . . . The point is that the dreamtime is always trying to lead us deeper and deeper into the unknown mysteries of the heart.